What am I supposed to do in thirteen hours!
by Fantasmagorie
Summary: COMPLETE! Hilarity has been wished away to the Labyrinth. This is weird enough but Hilarity is an alien! Will her cousin be able to rescue her in time? Reviews are welcome.
1. Morning in an unknown position in space

Hilarity was beginning to feel tired after four hundred light year journey.   
  
She was glad that it was nearly over because she hated travelling alone.  
  
There was no one to play "I Spy" or to sing along to the radio with. But what was  
  
the use of playing I spy when you were in the void of space.  
  
However journey was absolutely obligatory and there was no escaping it this time.  
  
She was on interplanetary jury duty this week one of the many drawbacks, she had   
  
found, of becoming an adult. She switched the ship onto auto-pilot as the traffic in   
  
that part of the galaxy was nightmarish. Yet another accident with an asteroid. Space  
  
travel, Hilarity mused, must be the most dangerous, irresponsible thing you could ever  
  
do.  
  
Not having anything else to do she contacted her younger cousin on her picture phone.  
  
He always had some interesting to tell her about.  
  
"Talk to me." said the youth who appeared on the screen.  
  
"Hi Trin! How's it going?" she said eager for someone to talk to.  
  
"Fine. Not much happening." came the reply.  
  
"Really nothing at all." said Hilarity a little crestfallen. "No drunken nights out?  
  
No arguments with the neighbours?" he shook his head "A walk?... A shopping trip?"  
  
"Well come to think of it, I did go out to the Tea Shop district in the City today.  
  
Very crowded, you would've hated it. Anyway I walked past this old book and music  
  
place and I saw this beat up old paperback hidden between two Capital Punishment   
  
albums. I don't know why but it seemed to be calling to me."  
  
"Were you stoned?"  
  
"No. That's why it was so weird!"  
  
"What was it about?"  
  
"Well it's about this girl who wishes her brother away some magical kingdom or other.  
  
Some kind of Labyrinth."  
  
"Sounds interesting. At least more interesting than what I'm doing now. Couldn't wish   
  
me there could you..." she gave her cousin a familiar grin and they both laughed out  
  
loud. Trin made some ironically dramatic gestures with his fingers.  
  
"I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now." he said mysteriously  
  
trying  
  
hard not to giggle. There was a pause. "Did it work?"  
  
"Nope. Better luck next -" he heard Hilarity say but then the signal suddenly got cut  
  
off.  
  
That same moment, Hilarity's ship disappeared. 


	2. Never mock literature

Disclaimer - I do not own anything remotely like the Labyrinth or it's characters.  
  
However all aliens   
  
in this story belong to me and stealing them will not go unpunished.  
  
"-Time!!!" Hilarity finished as the ship suddenly dropped out of the sky and she  
  
crashed through the windscreen. Why was it still called a windscreen when there was no wind in  
  
space? She wonderedabout this momentarily before she landed on the sparsely vegetated ground. From  
  
where she was facing there seemed to be nothing but desert. Behind her it was too foggy to make  
  
anything out. Fog!In a desert! What was going on?  
  
She looked back at the ship. It was badly damaged but fixable. She then noticed a small pair of shoes  
  
sticking out from underneath the ship's right wing. She tried not to scream. She had hit someone.  
  
"Ah! You've arrived." said a slightly unsettling voice behind her. Hilarity jumped.  
  
"Um..yes." she said trying to stay calm and ignore the implication that she had been  
  
expected "I...er...seem to have squashed your gnome." she carried on a little sheepishly "Was he  
  
important?"  
  
She forced herself to look round and found herself face to face with Jareth the Goblin King. His  
  
dramatic presence, however, was wasted on the girl. Her planet was so full of strange characters  
  
that she would have found jeans shocking if she didn't wear them herself sometimes. "Not at all."   
  
the stranger answered "He was only a gardener."  
  
Hilarity looked slightly distressed but she kept control and forced a smile. "Hello, I'm  
  
Hilarity." she said politely.  
  
"I know. Such a lovely name, synonymous with laughter, cheer and merriment."  
  
"You forgot uproariousness." Hilarity said jokingly.  
  
"Are your parents of an imaginative disposition?" said the stranger.  
  
"Not at all." she said sarcastically "They're only gardeners."  
  
Jareth eyed his new captive with amusement. He was disappointed with her  
  
appearance. He had   
  
expected the alien to look more exotic and have scales or spines or something. This  
  
one was  
  
practically human. However she was a good foot taller than most girls, her head was  
  
slightly longer  
  
and thinner and her eyes were a bit too large to be human. Her clothes were  
  
disappointing too. Just   
  
formal black trousers, a black T-shirt and a long suede coat.  
  
"So anyway, who are you and what is this place?" said Hilarity. As if it had heard her  
  
question, the  
  
mist cleared to reveal an ominous looking castle surrounded by the patternless mass  
  
that was the   
  
Labyrinth. Hilarity gasped with amazement and shock.  
  
"So that wish actually worked." she said "I have to say I'm vaguely impressed. Very  
  
interesting   
  
architecture." Jareth smirked as she said this. Things were clicking into place in  
  
Hilarity's mind. The  
  
mysterious book being conveniently placed between two albums by Trin's favourite  
  
band. "Oh damn it! I should have known. Isn't it funny how circumstances only look  
  
suspicious when it's too late. Still, that'll teach me to never mock literature."   
  
the Goblin King threw his head back and laughed evilly.  
  
"Is there any escape clause here or am I doomed for all eternity?" Hilarity asked.  
  
"Your cousin has very kindly agreed to try and rescue you. If he can solve the  
  
Labyrinth in thirteen hours  
  
you're both free to go."  
  
"So I'm doomed for all eternity and my cousin's going to get himself killed. Nice one."  
  
"He wished you here, he's the only one who can save you."  
  
"He can't even open a milk carton how's he suppose to find his way through that?"  
  
"Enough! The decision has been made and he will arrive shortly. Which reminds me,  
  
we should make our  
  
way to the castle."  
  
They both vanished. 


	3. Tabloids and Scrabble

Hilarity felt a little dizzy as she materialised in the throne room of the castle. Compared to  
  
what she was used to it was an illustration of perpetual squalor. She shuddered at the  
  
thought of all the microbes and bacteria that might be growing in it. She gazed longingly   
  
at her ship through the window. All she could see of it was a small, silvery shape on the horizon  
  
but she wished to be inside it again with all her gadgets and navigation equipment and her  
  
notes for the Henson Inquiry which she should have attended that afternoon. Sure she'd   
  
wanted to get out of jury duty but it wasn't as bad as this place. She eyed the room again and  
  
it didn't improve her opinion. It was disgusting especially those ugly little creatures that littered  
  
the floor.  
  
"Please excuse the mess. The Goblins aren't the tidiest creatures in the world." said Jareth  
  
noticing her disgust with smug amusement.  
  
"My God! It's almost as bad as Trin's room. I haven't been in there for years so I can  
  
only assume its got a lot worse. We had to put a small decontamination chamber outside  
  
the door."  
  
To Hilarity's surprise her captor seemed to find this genuinely funny and laughed out  
  
loud.  
  
"Come to think of it, how's Trin doing?" she asked.  
  
Jareth held out a crystal and an image of her cousin appeared inside it. He had walked through  
  
the Labyrinth's gates and was looking suspiciously from left to right. Hilarity sighed. Poor lad.  
  
"Thirteen hours. What am I supposed to do in thirteen hours?" she said out loud.  
  
********  
  
Trin was not feeling very hopeful about his quest. He had tried to salvage some things from the  
  
remains of Hilarity's ship but nothing seemed to work. Having depended on technology for so  
  
long, the idea of solving a problem on his own was too scary to contemplate. He'd found the  
  
gates quite easily but every time he got close he was attacked by an army of fairies and eventually  
  
had to beat them all to death with his copy of the Daily Quasar (sleazy tabloid rubbish). Once inside  
  
he decided to turn right even though both directions looked exactly the same.  
  
*******  
  
Meanwhile, Hilarity and Jareth were playing Scrabble as they both had nothing to do. They were   
  
both shocked as their scores remained dangerously close. Neither one of them had found a worthy  
  
opponent until now. It was Jareth's go and he only had two tiles left.  
  
"Hey! "genuinety" is not a real word!" Hilarity cried suddenly.  
  
"I think you'll find it is."  
  
"It is not!"  
  
"Look it up in the dictionary if you're not sure." a large and beautifully bound book appeared by  
  
Hilarity's arm. She flicked through it sceptically but then her expression changed to shock at being  
  
proven wrong.  
  
"Hang on a minute! You wrote this dictionary!" she said angrily.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. It's got your picture in it and everything!"  
  
"My castle, my rules. And that puts my score at four hundred and five and, Oh dear, you only got  
  
three hundred and ninety four."   
  
There was an angry silence but Hilarity let it drop for now and changed the subject.   
  
"So what's going to happen when the time runs out?"  
  
"I haven't decided yet. You're too old to be turned into a Goblin so I'll have to think of something   
  
else for you to do. In the mean time you must keep me amused. Is there anything interesting that  
  
you can do?"  
  
Hilarity thought about this for a while. "I can play the piano." she said helpfully. 


	4. I had you down as a Stravinsky person!

Chapter - 4  
  
Three hours had passed and Trin was still no closer to finding a corner or an opening  
  
in the infinitely long path. He sat down, exhausted by running, then stood up quickly  
  
after hearing a loud squishing noise.  
  
"Ew! Gross! I sat on a worm." he realised.  
  
He decided to walk on, ignoring the funny looks that the moss was giving him. Far  
  
away he could hear a faint echo of music and could just make out the unique blues  
  
piano style that only belonged to his cousin.  
  
"Oh no!" he said out loud "They're jamming. And I wasn't even invited." He felt so  
  
alone.  
  
******  
  
Hilarity and the Goblin King finished their song to a deafening applause from the  
  
Goblins.  
  
"Well that was fun." she said when the cheering stopped "I didn't know you liked  
  
Rhythm and Blues! I got the impression that you were a Stravinsky person."  
  
"No. I never got into Neo-classicism. Too pretentious."  
  
"Exactly my point." said Hilarity and chuckled happily. Playing a Four Tops medley  
  
always put her in a good mood.  
  
In any other circumstances Jareth would've been furious with comment. Goblins were  
  
thrown in the Bog of Eternal Stench for less. But this creature teased him in such a  
  
friendly and familiar way that he couldn't help laughing along with her which in turn  
  
made her laugh even more. For someone who had always been feared this was quite  
  
unusual.  
  
"The thing about Stravinsky," Hilarity continued, unaware of Jareth's inner monologue  
  
"was that he wasn't pretentious at all. In fact he was a devout Catholic and very  
  
conservative in his views. He just had all these weird ideas. If you want pretentious  
  
crap then look at 4 minutes 33 seconds."  
  
"Oh yes, the silent one. It's a clever idea but I thought it was a little silly to have  
  
someone actually conducting it."  
  
"I know. What was the point in that?" they both laughed. By now the Goblins were  
  
completely baffled by the conversation so they lost interest and started fighting among  
  
themselves instead.  
  
"Wow! I can't even remember the last time I had a conversation about 20th Century  
  
Art Music." said Jareth.  
  
"Me neither. I tried once with Trin but he wouldn't stop playing air guitar so I gave  
  
up."  
  
"Ah yes, Trin. Would you to see how he's getting on?"  
  
Hilarity nodded and she and most of the Goblins crowded round the glowing crystal.  
  
A huge roar of laughter rose when they saw how little he had progressed. Hilarity  
  
groaned with embarrassment.  
  
"Oh no." she said looking thoroughly peeved with her cousin "Come on dude, you're  
  
letting the side down." she whispered hopelessly at his distorted image.  
  
"He must have gone round the entire perimeter by now." snickered a Goblin gleefully.  
  
"You mean he's run round in a big circle and gone back to the beginning. Typical  
  
Trin." said Hilarity "Can't point him in the right direction?"  
  
"I could but I won't." said Jareth nastily.  
  
"Oh have a heart. I know there's one in there somewhere."  
  
"No."  
  
"Please."  
  
"No."  
  
"Well would you at least show him a direction to go. I don't think I can bear to watch  
  
him go round in circles anymore!"  
  
"Hmmm...I suppose you're right. It was funny for a few hours but now it's just getting  
  
sad."  
  
"Oh, and will you get my radio and a change of clothes from the ship?"  
  
"I'll send someone." he said feeling slightly irritated at giving in to a teenager, then  
  
vanished. 


	5. Gambling Goblins and Gardening

Trin was still getting nowhere and was feeling very annoyed about it. With a sudden  
  
rush of frustration he kicked a large branch that was lying on the ground and several  
  
little screams came from inside it. He must have upset a nest or something.  
  
"No need to get angry." said a voice behind him. Trin spun round quickly. It was that  
  
weird bloke who had abducted Hilarity.  
  
"What do you want?" he said angrily.  
  
"I was getting a little bored of you not getting anywhere so I decided to give you a  
  
hand."  
  
"You're showing me the way to the centre?"  
  
"I might be, but then again I might not. It's still better than wondering around here all  
  
day. And besides, your cousin asked so nicely that I could hardly refuse."  
  
"So which way do I go?"  
  
"Try walking through that wall."  
  
"What! Do I look stupid or something?"  
  
"Yes, you do actually."  
  
"Stupid or not, I always make a point of not trusting men in tights who kidnap your  
  
relatives."  
  
"Yes that is a very sensible philosophy. Too bad you didn't think of it when you  
  
wished her away."  
  
"We were fooling around!" Trin was really loosing his cool now.  
  
"I know, it's such a pity." with this Jareth faded away and disappeared.  
  
"Fine go then." yelled Trin. "See if I care. And don't think I didn't here you two up  
  
there, playing music, laughing, chatting. You're trying to replace me!"  
  
******  
  
"OK, you've only got ten there so you need another card." explained Hilarity to a  
  
rather confused looking Goblin. "You can either buy one in which case you have to  
  
give the dealer one of your chips, or you can twist which means that you don't have to  
  
pay anything but everyone gets to see your card."  
  
"What are you doing?" said Jareth materialising in front of his throne.  
  
"Oh, I was trying to teach the Goblins how to play Pontoon but..."  
  
"They can't count." he finished the sentence for her.  
  
"Exactly. If they actually had any money I could really clean up."  
  
"Well, could you stop. The last thing I need is a bunch of..."  
  
"Gambling Goblins!" they both said in unison. Hilarity grinned, delighted with the  
  
joke.  
  
"How's Trin doing?" she asked.  
  
"Very angry. He thinks I'm trying to replace him." Hilarity alarmed by this.   
  
"Well you're not, because Trin is going to get here on time." she said, trying to  
  
convince herself more than anyone else. "Can we go for a walk or something? I'd like  
  
to see if there's any interesting plants I can send to my dad."  
  
They walked outside together in silence into shady garden full of black flowers of all  
  
shapes and sizes.  
  
"Oh, it's lovely." said Hilarity with admiration, "Not hard guessing what your  
  
favourite colour is." she grinned warmly. There was no offence intended.  
  
"Were there any plants that you had in mind?"  
  
"He likes ferns a lot...and orchids, he's a big orchid fan."  
  
"Do you have an interest in horticulture?"  
  
"I suppose I have to. My planet is 50% rainforest you see. I'm more into astro-physics  
  
though." She stopped suddenly when she caught sight of the rose bushes. "Well that's  
  
a bit of a mess isn't it. I'm going to sound a bit like an electrician here but, What  
  
cowboy did this?"  
  
"Looking after the gardens was Hoggle's job but I'm afraid you killed him."  
  
"Oh yeah. Anyway by the looks of things he wasn't very good. This pruning is all  
  
wrong."  
  
"Really. Well that can be one of your jobs when you move in."  
  
"Who says I am moving in?" a crystal appeared in between them showing Trin stuck  
  
in the Oubliette. Hilarity swore loudly in some alien language that Jareth did not  
  
understand.  
  
"Come on. It time for lunch." he said and began making his way back to the castle.  
  
Hilarity reluctantly followed. 


	6. Must be something in the water!

Chapter - 6  
  
Jareth watched his prisoner with curiosity as she gingerly prodded her food. He  
  
couldn't work her out. She hadn't batted an eyelid at his attempts to scare and impress  
  
her and did not seem at all distressed with her current situation. Was she planning  
  
something was she really that chilled out. What also bothered him was that she talked  
  
to him as if he was an old friend. He wasn't sure if he liked this or not as it had never  
  
happened to him before, not even within his own family. He later decided that it  
  
wasn't a bad thing just unusual.  
  
"What is this anyway?" asked Hilarity pointing a skeletal finger at her meat.  
  
"Er...that's roast beef." he replied.  
  
"It's nice. We don't get much meat on our planet. All the animals are either hopelessly  
  
small and fiddly or so full of Vitamin D that your hair falls out. Then, you've got the  
  
imported stuff but it has to be pumped full of chemicals to survive the space travel so  
  
it doesn't taste very nice."  
  
"What's it like where you come from?"  
  
"It's very purple....." Hilarity began "The water is infested with a pigmented bacteria.  
  
It's mostly harmless but once you heat it to seventy degrees it becomes a powerful  
  
hallucinogenic drug. The water's very pretty at night because it glows, you should see  
  
the storms we get, they're amazing. The rest of it is mostly forest with the odd  
  
mountain range and lots of small cities here and there."  
  
"Sounds wonderful. No wonder you're not impressed with this place."  
  
"I am impressed with it, the Labyrinth's a great achievement." she smiled "However, I  
  
keep getting the impression that you're a very paranoid person who has trouble  
  
opening up to people."  
  
"You got all that from a maze!"  
  
"Well it is a bit of an obvious metaphor for your personality. Has anyone ever solved  
  
it?"  
  
"One girl did a few years ago."  
  
"And you're in love with her."  
  
"How did you know that?" Jareth was too shocked to stop himself from saying this.  
  
No one knew. Not even him.  
  
"You've been on your own for too long and you have started to associated the  
  
Labyrinth with yourself. Therefore when this girl figured it out it led you to believe  
  
that she had figured you out when no one else could. Get my drift?"  
  
"No, not really."  
  
"Jareth, you think you are the Labyrinth when you're not. You may have also latched  
  
on to this girl because you feel trapped in your surroundings and you confused her  
  
attempt at solving the Labyrinth as an attempt to save you."  
  
"I'm confused now. You're saying that I'm trapped by something which is actually  
  
myself."  
  
"Yes that's exactly right." Hilarity was shouting now and it was scaring her. She had  
  
never raised her voice in her life. But then again she had never led a counselling  
  
session with a Goblin King either.  
  
"So, what do you suggest I do then?" said Jareth, almost challenging her, almost  
  
pleading with her.  
  
"Do whatever you want. Not my decision. Stay, move out of this place, get a job, get a  
  
girlfriend. Just make yourself happy." There was an unhappy silence. The Goblins  
  
were straining to listen from behind the door. They had never heard anyone speak to  
  
their master like that before. Not even Sarah. Hilarity sighed. "What's this girl's name  
  
then?"  
  
"Sarah."  
  
"Did you feel happy when she was here?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Hilarity smiled, she really wanted to help. She hadn't planed her long speech but felt  
  
that she had dropped him in at the deep end. "If you decide to do something, I'll be  
  
more than happy to give you a hand." 


	7. Jigsaws and many strange chemical substa...

Chapter - 7  
  
Five hours had passed since Trin had started the Labyrinth. He had miraculously  
  
found his way out of the Oubliette and had been blundering around in the dark for  
  
about five minutes. He was really beginning to hate this place now and was wondering  
  
if his cousin was really worth being tortured, tricked and generally mauled for thirteen  
  
hours. He quickly dismissed these thoughts as memories of their childhood flooded  
  
into his mind. They had always been together. Not only was she his cousin but also  
  
one of his best friends. That was why he had to carry on. He only wished he had  
  
brought the book with him instead of leaving on the sideboard with his homework and  
  
a half eaten biscuit.  
  
******  
  
Hilarity and Jareth were working on a jigsaw puzzle. Hilarity had managed to find an  
  
Earth station on her radio which was now playing the Jackson Five at full volume.  
  
"Sorry about that little outburst." said Hilarity "But it was really bugging me."  
  
"I'll let you off for now. Why did you offer to help me?"  
  
"Just the way I am I suppose. A naive little do-gooder. On my planet we always try  
  
and help people with their problems, even the psychological ones."  
  
"No one's ever offered to help me of their own free will before."  
  
"It was nothing. I didn't even start on your Oedipal complex." he gave her a nasty  
  
look. "I'm kidding. Do you have any sky that end?" Jareth passed her a few jigsaw  
  
pieces.  
  
"It's not just that. Ever since you came here you've treated my like a person and not  
  
some kind of child snatching monster."  
  
"Well, I think it was Freud who said that : in order to not be seen as a child snatching  
  
monster you must stop snatching children. Oh wait a minute! That wasn't Freud, that  
  
was me." Jareth was looking depressed. He looked a lot smaller than he did when they  
  
first met. "You know what. You remind a bit of Trin when you're depressed."  
  
"I'm not depressed."  
  
Hilarity grinned as an idea came to her. "Not for long my friend." she said and pulled  
  
out a bottle of Eau de Vie and some assorted sweets and snacks from her bag "I was  
  
going to share these with the jury but they're just going to have to miss out."  
  
"Do they even allow alcohol in court?"  
  
"No that's why I brought it." she giggled cheekily "I must warn you that this stuff has  
  
got lots of other things in it besides Eau de Vie and the cola bottles have a shocking  
  
amount of artificial flavourings. The nachos have to be eaten last because they are the  
  
only thing that can combat the munchies properly."  
  
"You certainly know a lot about narcotics."  
  
"That's because there's a lot of them about where I come from." Hilarity winked "Now  
  
we are going to have a good time and forget out troubles for a little bit." She fetched  
  
two shot glasses from a large cupboard which had appeared in the middle of the room.  
  
"Why are you never surprised by my magic?" asked Jareth making cupboards appear  
  
from nowhere was not an easy task.  
  
"Lot's of weird stuff happens once you cross the light barrier. Sometimes you  
  
accidentally transport matter or confuse time. I've never seen someone who can do it  
  
in stationary position though. That must require some talent. But when in Rome, eh!"  
  
she placed the glasses on the table between the fragments of sky and pond. "Watch  
  
and be amazed as I pour you a drink using my powers of telekenisthis or whatever  
  
they call it!" She concentrated hard on the bottle and eventually made it float in the air  
  
and pour its contents into the glasses. She leaned back, exhausted and laughed. "Not  
  
the best trick in the world but I'm still learning."  
  
They both began laughing uncontrollably after their first glass. They began having  
  
competitions to see who could tip the bottle into the other person's glass using only  
  
their mental powers. The loser had to drink it then perform some kind of insane  
  
challenge involving a tight rope and a water melon. Eventually the game descended  
  
into general stupid behaviour but the rules made sense at the time.  
  
******  
  
Trin was above ground now. The stone walls had been replaced by hedges but the  
  
maze was still extraordinarily confusing. Occasionally he caught a glimpse of the  
  
castle. It looked closer now. That must be a good sign.   
  
This train of thought disappeared when he suddenly heard a loud scream. Oh no! That  
  
was Hilarity! She was in danger! Full of panic, he rushed the next corner and promptly  
  
fell through a trap door and found himself suspended above the most foul smelling  
  
bog he had ever seen. 


	8. Don't judge a book by it's cover

Chapter - 8  
  
Disclaimer - I do not own any of the earthlings or Labyrinth dwellers. Hilarity and  
  
Trin are the only characters I have any rights to.  
  
P.S. thanks for the nice review, Daemon faerie queen. I am particularly proud of the  
  
Scrabble bit.  
  
Trin had been suspended above the bog of eternal stench. He wasn't sure how long he  
  
had been there because the trees around him were too thick to give any indication as to  
  
where the sum was. It didn't matter because Trin didn't pay much attention to the sun  
  
mainly because the sun that his own planet orbited had a strange habit of travelling  
  
back the way it had came. His arms were beginning to hurt and the smell was really  
  
unbelievable. It was like his dirty sock pile only ten times worse. He was about to  
  
abandon all hope when suddenly a large hairy hand grabbed him and pulled him up  
  
onto a narrow ledge. Trin then found himself staring into Ludo's fierce yet strangely  
  
cute face.  
  
"Blimey! Thanks." he said and gave the creature a pat on the back. It would have been  
  
a nice gesture if the monster hadn't lost his balance fallen head first in the bog.  
  
"Oopsy!" said Trin guiltily and edge his way to firmer ground. He was about to cross  
  
the bridge when an angry little fox-like creature jumped out at him. Trin was pretty  
  
stressed by now but this was the last straw, the bits of anchovy, the Scrappy-Doo that  
  
pushed him over the edge.  
  
"No! I will not listen to talking animals! This is stupid! I don't mind fairies, gremlins,  
  
weirdoes with detachable heads or those little biting things on sticks but this really  
  
takes the biscuit!" the creature looked shocked and upset at this outburst "And don't  
  
look at me like that! You make me sick." As he said this he picked it up by the scruff  
  
of its neck and drop-kicked it into the bog where it landed with a satisfying squelch.  
  
This seemed to calm Trin down and he continued with his journey.  
  
******  
  
Hilarity and Jareth were watching these events. They were still slightly toasted and  
  
trying to fight back the giggles.  
  
"Ooooh, he's really angry now." said Hilarity.  
  
"He'll be even more angry when he finds out it was your idea." Jareth smirked.  
  
"Yes, but it's not like I forced you to do it. I believe you said that a bit light comedy  
  
was just what we needed."  
  
"Have another drink."  
  
"Are you trying to get me tanked up, young man?" she said ironically.  
  
"You're already tanked up."  
  
"That's OK then." they had resorted to physically moving the bottle now as the alcohol  
  
had dulled their mental powers.  
  
"You know I'm beginning to regret letting that boy into my Labyrinth. He's  
  
unwittingly slaughtered its entire population."  
  
"Yeah, he's a tad accident prone, isn't he?"  
  
"A tad!" Jareth exclaimed "He's a walking disaster area."  
  
"He's very nice once you get to know him." said Hilarity in her cousin's defence "Don't  
  
judge a book by its cover. If everyone went on their first opinions we definitely  
  
wouldn't be friends."  
  
"That's the second time you've called me your friend today."  
  
"Well you are. For some bizarre reason we seem to be on the same wave-length."  
  
"What wave-length is that?"  
  
"Well, we're both Motown fans and we're pretty quick with the old punaroonies and  
  
that's enough for me." said Hilarity happily. "That doesn't mean that I want to stay  
  
here though. I could see myself getting terribly homesick." there was a long.  
  
"You don't have to stay." said Jareth eventually.  
  
"Really! I hope that's not the E-numbers talking!" cried Hilarity.  
  
"No, I've been thinking about it and I'd rather have you as a friend than as a prisoner."  
  
"You know, maybe its the Stockholm syndrome talking but..." Hilarity grinned  
  
happily. She had that glint in her eye that she got whenever a joke sprang to mind.  
  
"You're a wonderful, wonderful person." they laughed "Now all you need to do is say  
  
something similar to that girl you like and you're sorted." 


	9. The old fool you cousin into thinking he...

Chapter - 9  
  
Author's note - If you feel the need to make up a melody later, I intended the song to  
  
be in the style of Elvis.  
  
Hilarity sat outside and watched with awe as the Goblins repaired her ship in record  
  
time. Maybe she had underestimated them. They were great mechanics. Her eye fell  
  
upon the rose-bush again and she sighed with frustration. She was a bit of  
  
perfectionist at heart and didn't like seeing things done wrong or badly. She took out  
  
her pen knife and tried to undo the damage from the last gardener's terrible pruning  
  
job.  
  
"O Rose, thou art sick." she quoted William Blake and smiled "But don't worry, I'll  
  
make you better." Suddenly her vision was blocked by a very fierce looking black  
  
orchid which materialised in the air in front of her nose. She jumped violently and  
  
accidentally severed a large branch from the rose bush. "Jesus Christ!" she cried.  
  
"Wow! My last ditch attempt at scaring you and it worked." said Jareth appearing next  
  
to the hovering plant pot.  
  
"Don't do that, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" gasped Hilarity "And I nearly  
  
nuked your roses!"  
  
"Anyway I thought your folks might like this. What do you think?"  
  
Hilarity eyed the orchid with curiosity "It's hideous and deranged. I'm sure they'll love  
  
it." she laughed.  
  
"So when are you planning to leave?" said the Goblin King feeling a little sad.  
  
"Well, I thought I'd let Trin find his way here first. Make him feel good about himself,  
  
y'know."  
  
"Ah, the old fool your cousin into thinking he's saved you to spare his feelings trick."  
  
"Exactly. But if he takes too long I'll just beam him up and wing it." she felt slightly  
  
sorry about leaving so she decided to compromise "Why don't you come and visit one  
  
day. I'll introduce you to my friends, they're nearly as mad as me but not quite. I hear  
  
there's a Capital Punishment concert on soon, we could take Trin as a kind of  
  
consolation present."  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
******  
  
Trin was not a happy bunny. All this stress was not doing him any good. The sun was  
  
setting and he seemed to be in a creepy junk yard. In the distance he could hear one of  
  
Hilarity's piano solos. It was a Scarabande by Debussy. One of her best pieces. The  
  
music seemed to give him courage and he strode on towards his destination.  
  
******  
  
"And now for an encore I shall play a song that me and Trin wrote about metalheads."  
  
Hilarity said after the Goblins had stopped clapping. She began playing in a light rock  
  
tempo nodding at some of the more intelligent Goblins who began to sing :   
  
"Well we promised ourselves we wouldn't play air guitar,  
  
Well we promised ourselves we wouldn't play air guitar,  
  
But there's such a great guitar riff, we can't help the way we are...."  
  
******  
  
Trin could hear the music quite clearly now. Hang on a minute! It was the song they  
  
had written together for New Year's Day. They didn't celebrated Christmas on their  
  
planet but the new year was their most important festival. The song lyrics were getting  
  
louder.  
  
"Well we follow the music, it takes us where we wanna be,  
  
Well we follow the music, it takes us where we wanna be,  
  
Why don't you bang your head and follow the music with me."  
  
It wasn't the best song in the world but it was catchy. Then the words changed to a  
  
verse that Trin had never heard before.  
  
"You turn left, then right, then right again,  
  
You turn left, then left, then right again,  
  
Then you spin around because you've gone the wrong way,  
  
Turn left, then right, then right again,  
  
No! your other right you stupid boy!  
  
Turn right, then left then go straight on."  
  
It was Hilarity! She had changed the words in order to give him directions through  
  
song.  
  
"Oh, you clever thing!" he said out loud and rushed to keep up with the song. 


	10. I'm not very good at goodbyes

Chapter - 10  
  
This is the final chapter of this story. Don't worry a sequel is forming in my noggin at  
  
this very moment but in the meantime I have relatives that need visiting.  
  
See ya!   
  
Lil.  
  
Trin arrived at the city gates. He was bedraggled and exhausted from his journey. To  
  
his great surprise both sets of gates had been left open. Unlike his cousin, Trin was a  
  
suspicious little so and so. Twelve hours worth of traps and things turning into other  
  
things had left him wary. If that Gremlin person intended to keep Hilarity he wouldn't  
  
leave the doors to his city wide open. He would probably be tricked again and have to  
  
deal with a ten foot mechanical monster or something.  
  
"Oh no, I'm not falling for that one." Trin said to himself and tried to scramble up the  
  
opposite wall.  
  
******  
  
"What's he doing?" cried Hilarity with disbelief "The door's right there!"  
  
"He probably thinks its a trap." said Jareth and they both laughed.  
  
"I pity that boy sometimes." sighed Hilarity "I better go and get him. As entertaining  
  
as this is, I think he's had enough now."  
  
******  
  
Trin was nearly at the top of the wall now. Just a few more feet. Speaking of feet, his  
  
left one didn't feel too stable. Oh no! The wall was beginning to crumble away under  
  
his fingers. He lost his balance and fell, landing heavily on the dusty ground. They the  
  
sun was blocked by a dark, ominous shadow....  
  
"Hiya, Trin." said a familiar voice "How's it going." It was Hilarity, looking slightly  
  
hung over from the night before and wearing her red Chinese pyjamas.  
  
"Hilarity! You escaped!"  
  
"Um...yes." she lied "Come on. It's time to go home."  
  
"But isn't there supposed to be some kind of dramatic showdown in an Escher-like  
  
room with lots of stairs and stuff."  
  
"Not necessary. The Goblins fixed my ship for me."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Hilarity turned back towards the castle and Trin followed, gingerly nursing his  
  
wounds. She led him to the garden to find the ship in perfect condition and cleaner  
  
that it had ever been before.  
  
"Thank you for solving the Labyrinth for me, Trin. It was very noble of you." said  
  
Hilarity. Trin looked extremely chuffed. "I'll just say my goodbyes and we'll be off."  
  
Trin waited a little uneasily as she entered the castle again and came out five minutes  
  
later with a plant pot under her arm.  
  
******  
  
"Bye then." said Jareth sadly.  
  
"Goodbye, thanks for putting up with me, and for the orchid." she felt slightly  
  
awkward "So, we're still on for Friday?"  
  
"Absolutely. What do you want to do?"  
  
"I was thinking perhaps a few rounds of Scrabble, with a proper dictionary this time,  
  
then we could go to the movies or something."  
  
"Sounds great." they laughed at this private joke then shook hands and Hilarity left.  
  
The deafening sound of the ship's jet propulsion resounded throughout the Labyrinth  
  
and made the whole castle vibrate. Jareth waved as the ship zoomed away into the  
  
sky.  
  
******  
  
"Thank God that's over!" said Trin slumping into the comfy passenger seat.  
  
"I thought it was a wonderful adventure." said Hilarity thoughtfully "But something  
  
tells me it's far from over."  
  
The ship vanished as it exited the Labyrinth's stratosphere. Hilarity was astonished to  
  
find that they were in exactly the same point in space that she had been when this  
  
whole fiasco started. She glanced at the clock. Only fifteen minutes had passed.  
  
"Oh damn it!" she said "All that madness and I still have to attend jury duty. It's not  
  
fair...."  
  
To Be Continued..........maybe! 


End file.
